By Lisa Hershey Kutolowski
Since Mark and I were already in town, we decided to stop at our local grocery co-op to pick up a few essentials. We each had a handful of purchases in mind. I grabbed a basket and made my way to the bread selection while Mark went to pick up what he needed. He quickly found me and tossed his handful of items into the basket. That’s when I saw it: Desert Essence Tea Tree Oil Dental Floss - $4.29. I was incensed. My mind raced. My throat constricted. This is ridiculously expensive dental floss. Doesn’t Mark know anything about money? How does he expect us ever to make ends meet? Does he want me to die a poor, penniless widow? I wish I could say these were just thoughts. That would be embarrassing enough. But, alas, I spoke them aloud in a terse whisper to Mark right there in the bread aisle.
What was going here? Why did spending a couple extra dollars on dental floss immediately make me so afraid, angry, and confrontational? Clearly, this was not just about money.
“And so, the unhappy soul is agitated and tied up in serpentine entanglements…” – From John Cassian’s teaching on The Spirit of Avarice[1]
About self-condemnation
We’ve been hitting some loaded topics these last few weeks. Food, sex, and now this week money and possessions. Last week Mark talked about how these teachings are never to be used to judge others – they are for the spiritual seeker alone. It is equally true that it is not helpful to use these teachings to judge even ourselves. Before diving into the thought for this week, let’s talk a bit about the paradox of self-judgment.
The key to the desert teaching on the eight thoughts is that the thoughts are not us. We experience the thoughts moving through us, but who we are is much deeper, more beautiful and more radiant than the content of our thoughts. Our true self is ‘hidden with Christ in God,’ and reflects the beauty, wonder and mystery of God, in whose image and likeness we are made. God is the source of all beauty, truth, goodness, and love. This is our homeland, who we are in God before we become identified with something less. God’s love and God’s presence is alwayswith us – no exceptions. God is nearer to us than we are to ourselves. God never leaves us. So, are these teachings about how we leave God? Nope! It may seem like that, but it’s important to look deeper.
If God is perfect goodness and perfect love, and we humans are bearers of this same perfection, then why are we in the mess that we are in? Why is human life filled with affliction and suffering? There is a third thing – neither God nor humanity – that is muddying the waters. The teaching on the eight thoughts is learning how to recognize that third thing, and how to dis-identify our sense of self from this third thing. This third realm is what the desert monastics identified as the thoughts, ‘energies’, or ‘demons.’ It is when these forces take possession of our consciousness that we are led to a sub-human state of fear, compulsion, and self-centeredness.
To judge ourselves, or to feel shame around any of the afflictions associated with the thoughts, only adds a second untruth to the mix – the lie that we are bad. When we get caught in an afflictive thought like gluttony, lust, or greed, our true self has, in a sense, been taken hostage by this thought. It’s like blaming the victim of a crime.
The liberating response is not self-condemnation, but awareness. When we see the thought for what it is, and that it is not us, we gain a measure of freedom from the thought. Instead of strengthening our identification with the thought through self-condemnation, we can become freed by forgiving ourselves as we de-identify from the thought and re-commit to living in, and from, the present of God.
There is nothing you can do to make God love you more. There is nothing you can do to make God love you less. – Desmond Tutu
With this in mind, let us continue with the third thought: greed.
Possession is Illusion
The desert teaching on greed, also called avarice or ‘love of money,’ begins with a positive view of Creation and humans’ place within the created order. We belong on earth. As creatures of earth, it is good and appropriate to use the things of this earth to meet our needs. The wise use of things is natural, however the possessing and accumulating of things (or desire to possess) is learned and disturbs our souls.
Sister Mary Margaret Funk writes:
“From a spiritual point of view, owning anything is an illusion… Since it is an illusion to own anything, the proper relationship with things is to use them with the permission of the Creator… [The teaching on greed] is to use things reverently rather than to own them. Creation is God’s gift for all creatures to use.”[2]
What does it mean for us to see through the illusion of possessing, accumulating, or owning things? What does it mean to inhabit homes, care for land, earn income, wear clothes, and drive cars that we are using with the Creator’s permission? I invite you to pause and reflect on the things and money you legally ‘own’ within this context. What’s happening in your mind? In your body?
As I write this and reflect on my own “possessions,” I am both inspired by the possibility of this stance, and terrified at the implications. I can taste the joy and freedom of open-handed trust. There is a sense of enough-ness and a flow of resources to where they are needed. Yet, I can also feel the ‘hands of my heart’ closing into a fist around what is ‘mine.’
The Two Hands of Greed: Grasping & Clinging
The spirit of greed arises as a sense of lack, emptiness or insecurity, and develops as we turn toward money or things as a source of happiness, safety, or security. The energy of greed is a preoccupation with possessions – with what I have, what I don’t have, and with what that other person has (but that I wish I had).
On one hand, it’s a pervasive discontent that convinces me that the remedy for my discontent is to acquire more. “If only I had a little more monthly income.” “If only I had a little more space in my house.” “If only I had a little more savings.” “If only I had a nicer car, house, dishwasher, phone, tractor, chainsaw, seed sower, scuffle hoe, reverse osmosis sap filter, etc.” (Ahem…excuse my digression down our homesteading wish list.) “If only I had…” is the thought of greed. This is the energy of grasping for more. However, the consequence of getting more is not contentment, but an even greater preoccupation with possessions and acquiring.
Grasping is not the only way we can get caught by the thought of greed. Greed can also manifest as the temptation to cling to what we already have. The grasping quality of greed is about getting things in the present, while the clinging aspect is afraidof being without in the future. This is the energy of storing things and money up “just in case.” In the face of this clinging, we are confronted by the teaching of the early church that ‘whoever has two coats while his neighbor has none, is guilty of stealing from his neighbor.’ Here we see the vison that Creation is God’s gift for all creatures. We are either borrowing with permission or we are stealing.
In both cases – grasping and clinging – the thoughts about possessions are as much of an obstacle in the spiritual life as acting on the thoughts. Ruminating on money or things sows seeds of discontent in our hearts, producing the illusion that we are lacking. When this thought takes possession of our minds, it becomes impossible to experience the fullness of delight in God’s presence. Because material possessions are by their very nature finite, they can never fulfill the yearning insecurity within our hearts that can only be healed by the presence of God.
How can we gain freedom from the thought of greed?
Getting familiar with the energy and voices of greed
While the spirit of greed has predictable patterns, the way it hooks each of us can vary from person to person. It is worthwhile, then, to learn the particular way these energies present themselves to you.
I chose the story about the dental floss because it is so absurd. Spending a couple extra dollars on dental floss was not going to plunge us into poverty (especially when I planned to get that latte later…)The irrationality of my response is what makes this episode so clarifying—for whatever reason, the spirit of greed caught hold of my soul that day. I have a lot of stories of being caught up in the thought of greed and they almost often end with a variation on that last fearful thought – If I don’t keep or get [fill in the blank], I’m going to die a poor, penniless widow.Sometimes this energy rises in response to situations that are more consequential than dental floss – a larger-than-expected bill, loss of income, etc. However, when I am free of the spirit of greed, unfortunate news around money is concerning, but I do not spiral into constrictive or fearful thinking. I then have the presence of mind to make clear decisions going forward. When I get stuck in the greed thought, all I can see is what I lack. My vision narrows and a scarcity mindset reigns. I can’t see clearly the material goods I do have at my disposal, and neither can I see the abundance I have in community, love, health, peace, education, and privilege. I certainly can no longer access the presence and love of God that is available to me in that moment.[3]
The more familiar I get with how the energy of greed feels in my body, the more quickly I am able to recognize its presence. That recognition creates a sliver of opportunity to release the thought, before I consent to it. Consenting to the thought often leads to me getting entangled in fear, picking a fight with Mark, and questioning every decision I’ve ever made. It’s not a fun place to be. When I choose not to engage with the thought, the energy doesn’t just go away. Usually my throat or belly remains constricted and I feel fear, but I am able to notice the energy and not be overwhelmed by it. I often need to do something with my body in order to redirect my mind – doing the dishes, going for a walk, or tending to my daughter Anna are frequent allies.
Cultivating a sense of ‘enough’
We frequently evaluate our economic position by comparing ourselves to those around us. We often do this unconsciously. If we seek to free ourselves from the spirit of greed, it is not difficult to see the problem with this approach. In the world as it is, there will always be someone who has more than we do. Comparing ourselves with others can have the effect of stimulating our desire and grasping for more. What is less obvious is how comparing our situations with others can become our internalstandard for determining how much is enough. In the United States, we cluster geographically and socially by class, and within these groups, we often help each other justify our excesses as normal and necessary.
An alternative for the spiritual seeker is to cultivate a spirit of ‘enough-ness’ – a new standard from which to evaluate what is needed. This takes time and vigilance. It requires awareness of thoughts and an act of ‘return’ when you realize a thought has gone astray. Let me give an example. As we have been building the house and bakery on our homestead, we have had to make countless decisions about what is needed for our family, our guests, and the bread business. It is a constant practice of trying to discern what is enough and find limits. With house construction on my mind, I have an opportunity to practice the ‘return to enough-ness’ anytime I see a house with a feature I like, but we don’t have. It could be anything – roofing, a wrap-around porch, a certain style of window sills, or a more refined aesthetic. All of these things have evoked a spirit of discontent in my heart. When this energy rises, I seek to return to a spirit of enough-ness and let the thought go.
Ultimately, only God can fully satisfy. Wealth and material goods can only give a limited sense of security or meaning, never enough to completely fulfil us. By practicing a sense of ‘enough-ness’ we can learn to be content with partial satisfaction on the material plane, and instead seek out deeper fulfillment in the Realm of God.
The Joy of Invisible Riches
Why go to all this effort? For the same reason it is worth noticing all the thoughts we discuss in this series – spiritual freedom. In this case, we have the opportunity to be free from our attachment to things.The desert elders tell us that “things are a means to invisible riches.”[4]When we notice an attachment to the things in our lives, we have an opportunity to root out the desire to have, to possess, or to own. When we are not grasping, clinging, or preoccupied with money or things, we enjoy “a rich interior contentment with self, God, and others”[5]– the true joy of invisible riches. The paradox of greed is that when we pursue happiness through things, we are hounded by a sense of lack. When we let go of possessing things and pursue our happiness in God alone, we are filled with wealth beyond all measure.
[1]John Cassian: The Institutes. Book 7, chapter 7, verse 4
[2]Thoughts Matter, p. 65
[3]It is important to distinguish the spirit of greed from concerns around true poverty. This does not mean that someone who can’t afford their basic needs is greedy when they desire more money, or that they should be told to “just be grateful” for what they do have.
[4]Sister Mary Margaret Funk in Thoughts Matter, p 72
[5]Ibid p. 72
“Look at the birds in the sky. They do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them.” – Matthew 6:26
This post is part of the ongoing series:
Purifying the Heart: What the Desert Teachers Can Teach Us About Healing Ourselves And Our World
Through the season of Lent, we are posting a series of reflections based on the teachings of the desert fathers and mothers. Each week we are highlighting one of the ‘eight thoughts’ of the desert system of inner transformation. In this series, we’re drawing on a deep well of ancient wisdom from an era and culture very different from our own, so it requires some translating. Read the introduction here.