By Mark Kutolowski
I was part of a team of instructors, leading a rite of passage camp for a group of 12 to 14-year old boys in upstate New York. I had spent every day of the last two weeks with the boys, listening to their dreams, teaching them to carve, build fires and woodland shelters, and guiding them on what it means to be a man. The further we went in the program, the more I came to trust in my own inner authority. By the end of the second week, I sat in the campfire circle teaching the ways of men, fully convinced of the transforming power of my words. Bit by bit, I sensed my role grow, from counselor, to teacher, to father figure, to guide, to mentor, to wisdom-keeper and spiritual teacher. The more fully I projected this confidence, the more the boys seemed to believe it and follow my every word. Finally, I was tasked with leading each boy to the 24-hour solo spot that I had chosen for each of them. I gave them each a few words of encouragement, commanded them to stay in place, and then I walked back to the main camp. As I returned to camp, the thought struck me, ‘I guess I’m an elder now.’ I was 26 years old.
One week, a mother came to pick up her child while I was off duty. We talked for a bit, and then she asked me a question as if I was the camp founder. When I shared that I was only on staff, she replied, ‘The way you talked, I just assumed you were the owner.’ ‘Maybe I should be,’ I thought to myself. I stopped listening to the actual owner and began to notice all the things that were wrong with camp. Things that would be much better, if only I was in charge. I began to raise my criticisms at staff meetings, and in private conversations with other counselors. In my mind, everyone would benefit from my insights. I was the reigning elder, after all.
The Demon of pride is the cause of the most damaging fall for the soul. For it induces the monk to deny that God is his helper and to consider that he himself is the cause of his virtuous actions. Further, he gets a big head in regard to the brethren, considering them stupid because they do not all have the same opinion of him. - Evagrius Ponticus, Praktikos 14
Pride is the most subtle and destructive of the eight thoughts. It clings close to the center of our self-identity and can infuse itself into all our other thoughts and actions. Like vainglory and acedia, pride is an affliction of the spirit. When it rises it influences our relationship with all other thoughts. The desert elders recognized that pride was capable of destroying all progress made with the other seven thoughts. Success in overcoming gluttony, lust, greed, dejection, anger, acedia and vainglory can all become a source of pride. Thus, even with great victories against the other vices, a monk could still cut himself off from the love of God through identifying with the thought of pride, and in doing so turn his center of awareness from God to self. Any good deed when attached to pride, only serves to pull our awareness away from God and toward self-centeredness.[1]
Both vainglory and pride play a critical role in maintaining the ‘false self,’ or self-identity that keeps us separate from God. While the thought of vainglory seeks to gain ‘glory’ or admiration to prop up the self, pride cuts even deeper. The thought of pride not only seeks to take God’s glory for ourselves, it suggests that we are the very source of our own life and any accomplishments. The essence of pride is the belief that ‘I am god.’
Original Pride
Pride is the ‘original sin’ depicted in the story of the fall of humanity in Genesis 3. In this passage, Eve and Adam eat from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, in order to ‘become like gods,’ yet they do this in opposition to the command of God. This is the essential split of the false self – to seek to be ‘godlike’ while existing apart from the will of God. It’s the ‘sin’ or ‘misalignment’ that precedes all others. The pride that leads us to act as if we were gods can manifest in obvious ways, like Hitler’s mission to purge the world of so-called ‘inferior races,’ or a scientist scheming to genetically modify and clone perfect humans. Yet, it plays out in our own lives every time we plan and act ‘as if’ we are the only master of our own destinies and ‘as if’ God does not exist. The thought that God does not exist—and therefore we must act as our own ‘gods’—is the essence of every compulsive, fearful thought. It is the seed of the other seven thoughts (gluttony, lust, greed, dejection, anger, acedia and vainglory). If we allow pride to grow in our hearts, we have already watered the seeds of the other thoughts. If we can release the thought of pride, the other thoughts will diminish as well.
When we examine the nature of pride, we see that pride is the cornerstone of the self-centered (or ‘self-reflexive’) consciousness. This is the psychic state of the vast majority of humanity. The self looking into itself, seeking its own gain or well-being, is the essence of both pride and egoic consciousness. When we turn towards God in self-forgetfulness, pride falls away, and the egoic consciousness begins to unravel. What remains is life in union with the Beloved. This is liberation, healing, and unending life in the Kingdom of God.
Worldly Pride, Spiritual Pride, and the Savior Complex
Like vainglory, pride can have both a worldly manifestation and a spiritual manifestation. Worldly pride can be experienced by anyone, whether or not they are taking up the spiritual life. Worldly pride manifests as self-inflation stemming from one’s attributes, status, or accomplishments. Beauty, success, popularity, and intellectual or athletic achievement can all be sources of worldly pride. It can then manifest into a sense of superiority over others, which justifies treating others poorly. Pride leads to selfishness, because it convinces us we are above others and therefore more deserving of our own time, attention, and resources. It leads us to forget God and others, in preference to the concerns of self.
Spiritual pride is more subtle and insidious. It attaches itself to genuine spiritual good but turns the center of awareness from God to self. Spiritual pride subtly invites us to see ourselves as the author of our spiritual lives. This can manifest as an overemphasis on spiritual practices or techniques, as if our technical prowess could force God to give us what is actually a free gift of grace. It can attach itself to our spiritual ‘accomplishments,’ whether fasting or forgiveness. It can lead us to identify with our insights or spiritual gifts, rather than understanding that we are only vessels for God’s love which may flow through us as God wills. No matter how seemingly ‘spiritual’ our thoughts, actions, or experiences may be, if they are centered on self, they have been contaminated by the thought of pride. If we see ourselves as spiritually better than others, we’re caught in the grip of spiritual pride.
Among those pursuing the path of contemplation, pride is at work whenever we come to believe we’re in control of our spiritual journey rather than deepening our trust in God. It’s not possible to ‘do’ contemplative prayer, as the intimacy with God that is contemplation is always a free, unmerited gift of grace. Our task is to receive whatever God gives with an open heart. Technically speaking, Centering Prayer, or the Jesus Prayer, or any other prayer form are not contemplation. They are, at best, tools that can help us prepare our hearts to be open to the giftof contemplation. As soon as we turn them into techniques to acquire God or spiritual goods like peace, healing and insight, we have started down the slippery path of spiritual pride. True prayer always comes as a gift and is always humbling and grounding to the person so blessed by God.
When spiritual pride is coupled with a position of spiritual authority, it easily leads the afflicted soul to take advantage of their followers. Pride tells us we are above the law. As we are (in the logic of pride) the author of our followers’ salvation, anything we decide is right is best for them. We can take their money, seduce them, or berate them – it’s all for their spiritual benefit. Meanwhile, we do not feel compelled to follow the same disciplines we impose on others. “These are only for beginners, after all, while we enjoy greater freedom in the spirit.” This is how cult leaders and false prophets operate. It’s significantly more destructive than the harm that comes from worldly pride.
The ‘savior complex’ is a particular form of pride that often afflicts those who want to do good in the world. It can creep in when trying to help a specific person or group of people. In this form, pride leads us to believe that the other’s well-being, recovery, or even salvation depends not on God, but on our help. It can also afflict activists and others who are trying to ‘save the world.’ In this case, the activist, in their desire to see a more whole world, convinces themselves that the healing of the world is dependent on their personal efforts, or on the implementation of their plan for the world’s salvation. The thought ‘If only everyone would listen to me’ is a sure sign of this type of pride. The savior complex, like other types of pride, keeps the self at the center of awareness, even as it gives the appearance of being in service of others. It is definitively not any human being’s job to save the world, though we may be blessed to be a vessel through which God may accomplish some good. Trusting and allowing God to save the world (at God’s own pace and through God’s own means) while we humbly seek to serve God and others can begin to undo the destructive effects of the savior complex.
Reverse pride
Pride is most easily detected in its grandiose forms, where we develop an inflated sense of self. A 26-year old thinking he’s a spiritual elder is clearly pride. A politician, rock star, or athlete believing he’s God’s gift to humanity is obviously pride. Boasting and self-promotion are easily seen as pride. Hearing and seeing these forms of pride, we might be tempted to think that the opposite of pride is self-denigration. We might criticize or make fun of ourselves as a way to keep pride at bay. Unfortunately, self-criticism and self-denigration have something essential in common with self-inflation – they are focused on the self. I call this ‘reverse pride.’ This self-denigration functions just like pride in the soul, even though it appears to be the opposite of pride. Many Christians are more likely to succumb to ‘reverse pride’ than to the more obvious pride of self-inflation. Alas, this sort of self-criticism does nothing to free us from self.
Just as those in spiritual authority can be overcome with pride and become ‘false prophets,’ so too those without spiritual authority can make themselves ‘false martyrs,’ building a powerful self-identity around their sacrificing themselves for others in a thousand little ways. The key to discerning the difference between false martyrdom and genuine service is the presence of pride. The false martyr is deeply attached to their identity as suffering servant, and secretly views themselves as God’s great gift, superior to all the selfish people in the world. The true servant of God acts without thought of self, concerning themselves only with the good of the other.
Humility – the Remedy for Pride
Jesus then addressed this parable to those who were convinced of their own righteousness and despised everyone else.
"Two people went up to the temple area to pray; one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector. The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself, 'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity - greedy, dishonest, adulterous - or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.' But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed, 'O God, be merciful to me a sinner. 'I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted." -Lk 18:9-14
Humility is the virtue that reverses the destructive effects of pride. If pride is the ‘original sin’ of Adam and Eve seeking to become gods apart from God, humility is God’s answer through the incarnation, suffering, and death of Jesus Christ. The source of all Christian humility is the supreme humility of Jesus Christ, the Word of God,
Who, though he was in the form of God,
did not regard equality with God something to be grasped.
Rather, he emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
coming in human likeness;
and found human in appearance,
he humbled himself,
becoming obedient to death,
even death on a cross.-Phil 2:6-9
In the incarnation, Christ gave up his resting place in the infinity of the Godhead to enter into the human condition, with all of our limits and suffering. In his humanity, Jesus went further, giving up his status as God’s beloved son to be condemned, tortured, and murdered as a criminal. He gave away the divine dignity and glory that was his by nature, out of obedience to the Father and out of self-emptying love for humanity. This downward path of humble self-emptying is the model for all Christians and is the supreme remedy for pride. It reverses the original pride at the heart of humanity’s separation from God, replacing the grasping to become ‘gods’ with freely letting go into the arms of God. This is the essence of humility, and the doorway to resting in God.
There are several aspects of humility that allow us to follow the Way of Christ:
Self-acceptance:We cease trying to be perfect of our own effort, and accept that we are limited, finite creatures. We come to face our own finite capacities, and the reality that we will die. We are limited in both our lifespan (in time) and our influence (in space). The word humility comes from the Latin humus, which simply means ‘ground’ or ‘earth.’ When we accept ourselves, we also accept that we are made of earth. We share flesh and blood with other creatures and are bound by the same constraints. We also depend on the fruits of the earth—on sunlight, water, and shelter—to temporarily keep our fragile bodies alive. In self-acceptance, we come to cherish the beautiful and temporary gift of our human life as a gift from God. We cease trying to be more than we are.
A further level of self-acceptance emerges when, as we grow in trust in God and allow God to heal our hearts, we begin to experience our solidarity with all humanity. In this state, we come to experience our own capacity for evil. We see that we are capable of all sin, and that the failures and evils of humanity are within ourselves. We feel that we are the murderer and the murdered, we are the rapist and the raped, we are the liar and the deceived, we are identified with both victims and perpetrators of all evil. This may sound terrifying, but it is immensely liberating. This awareness is the healing balm that disarms pride at its root. We become incapable of judging others, as we experience their sins as our own. Our love for our fellow humans becomes unconditional, and we become capable of loving our neighbor as ourselves.
Self-emptying:[2]By becoming aware of our thoughts and learning not to identify with them, we allow for the unraveling of the ‘false self’ that is built around our egoic needs and desires. Step by step, the patterns of control that we have developed over a lifetime begin to soften and unwind. By giving up our attachments and identification with our thoughts, we participate in the self-emptying of Christ. Whereas Christ emptied himself of his divinity, we are invited to the much smaller task of emptying ourselves of our egoic identity. The more we are able to empty-out, the greater our freedom in God.
Self-forgetfulness:Finally, when we have emptied out much of our identification with our thoughts, we come to experience the joy of self-forgetfulness. We cease to experience our ‘self’ as the center of our awareness, and instead encounter the immense liberty of the Kingdom of God. In the space our egoic self once occupied, the Indwelling Spirit of Christ arises, and through this divine indwelling we experience our natural unity with God, other people, and all creation. We have returned to the Garden of Eden, abiding in intimacy and oneness with God and all creation. We have turned and become like little children, and in doing so have entered the Kingdom of God. We are again sons and daughters of God, not only in name but in our felt experience.
It is through this path of humility, participating in the Way of Christ, that our hearts are healed, and we are restored to our original nature in the image and likeness of God. This is the ultimate goal of the desert training on the eight thoughts. The training is a tool which we can use to become aware, to humble ourselves, and to unite our path with the path of the Divine-human One, Jesus Christ.
This Holy Week, may we walk together with one another and with Christ on his path of humble self-givingthrough trial, suffering, and death, and into resurrectionand unending life in God.
Walking the path of humility